Good, because I want to be here whenever you're going through something." With a last squeeze, he let go of me. He took with him all the warmth as he did, leaving me alone in a guilt wrapped in coldness.Walking over to the bed, I took a seat. "So, what are your boyfriend up to?" I asked, bringing his attention away from my lies and secrets.His grin lit up the place at the mention of his now official boyfriend. Kevin had never been the relationship kind of guy, but I suspected it had been more because he just hadn't found the right one and not because he didn't want to be in a relationship. It made me happy seeing him this in love, even if it brought a small pang in my chest. I mentally shoved away the bitter jealousy, it had no place here when it came to the happiness of my best friend.4Kevin joined me on the bed. "He's out job hunting, but he'll be free this afternoon if you'd want to hang out?" His eyes widened in excitement, "I know! We could go bowling. It's been ages. Or we could go to the arcade."5Kevin's last suggestion took me a little by surprise, but it shouldn't have. The arcade was his place; the place where he found peace and relaxation when he needed it. I'd been there with him a few times, but he didn't share his place with just about anyone. It was further proof that they were a great match.4"That sounds fun," I said regretfully, hating to disappoint him when he was this excited."But?" he asked, hearing the word 'but' hanging in the air. "Let me guess, you can't?" There was a note of...not anger, but frustration in his tone."I have work today, so no, I can't." It wasn't the only reason I couldn't, but I wasn't exactly going to tell him that."Oh," he sounded surprised, like my excuse was actually valid for once. "You're really going after what happened yesterday?"I shrugged. "I need the money. Besides, nothing really happened. The guys were there to stop it."Kevin's lowered his brows. "Still, it must've been traumatic. Are you sure you're ready to get back there this soon after?""Why wouldn't I be? Like I said, the guys didn't let it go that far." Maybe it was the shock, or the thought of staying home alone that made me want to do anything but. It wasn't like I was safe at home either. I gave the untrusty door a side-eye, because I'd now seen that it wasn't unbreakable, and Kevin hadn't even put much effort into making it vibrate like it did.3"Girly, you're taking this way too easily.""Or you're taking it way too seriously," I volleyed, shifting my gaze back to a frustrating looking Kevin.3"Em, someone put their hands on you and wanted to do much more. How are you so calm about this?" he asked."Seriously though, nothing happened. Sure, it was scary when he grabbed me, but it only lasted a second before Gideon and Callan showed up. Gideon will be there tonight too; he'll make sure I'm safe."2He shook his head in confusion. "For someone who broke up with them because they broke your trust, you sure trust them a lot."

he time Kevin got home, I'd practically stressed myself to exhaustion. For the past several hours, I had tried to figure out what I should do and came up with next to nothing. I struggled to think of anything I should be doing. Going to the police? Already done that. Had it helped? Absolutely not. Telling anyone about my situation? Yeah, no can do, unless I wanted to test the fucked-up person who had suddenly barged into my life. The only thing I'd decided on was moving back to my apartment. I didn't feel comfortable staying at Kevin's when I had some creep following me. I didn't want to get my best friend involved in this. What if I stayed here and that person thought I'd told Kevin? What if I got Kevin hurt because of it?106I didn't know if I was taking this too seriously, but then again, I'd never been in this situation before. Getting messages and threats from a creep was scary, especially when I didn't know what that person was capable of. I tried to reassure myself with the fact that I hadn't received any threats directed at me, so maybe as long as I told no one and stayed away from the guys, I and everyone else would be safe...right?24But for how long? How long did I have to stay away from them? Weeks? Months? A year? Two years?53Just this morning, before all this, I'd made up my mind about the guys. As soon as I threw away the 'what if' questions that plagued me and actually listened to what I wanted, I'd known that I wanted to try making us work again. My talk with them cleared up my doubts and insecurities. At first, I'd been afraid that what we had hadn't been real, that I'd been a game to them; I'd been scared that if they could lie to me, then they never cared about me like I cared about them. I'd let my overactive brain run wild. But, after speaking with them, I could see how wrong I'd been in my assumptions. Their eyes held the same pain as mine did. Their mouth bled truth through their words. They'd made a mistake—a mistake that hurt and broke our trust, yes, but it was still a mistake. Deep down, I knew that they never meant to hurt me.17So yeah, this morning, I'd decided to forgive them. I'd realized that what Callan, Mateo, and Gideon had given me these past weeks made up for their one mistake. They'd given me my dreams; to experience pain, pleasure, submission, and domination. They gave me the courage to go after what I wanted, to accept that what I wanted wasn't wrong, weird, or disgusting. They built me up, made me comfortable in my own body, and made me see myself in a different light—a better light.11Most importantly, with them, I'd been alive; I'd been happier than ever and found thrill and excitement in days that used to be dull and uneventful. And so, thinking of that instead of the 'what ifs' made it an easy decision.3As cliché as it sounded, they brought colors into my life, and I hadn't realized I'd seen everything in shades of grey until they came along. I wasn't ready to let go of the colors, the thrill, and the happiness—I wasn't prepared to let go of my guys.72So, for how long did I have to stay away from them? Because if there was one thing that would kill me, it would be watching them move on with someone else while I kept my distance to keep them safe. Of course, I would do it if it meant them not getting hurt, even if it would end up hurting me.35It seemed I was just as self-sacrificing as the heroines I'd read in books, only...I was about a hundred percent more afraid than they ever were. But hey, I never said anything about being a badass like them. I was only a girl who didn't know any better.3"We're home!" Kevin's cheery tone filled the living room, making my heart ache for the same cheery feeling I'd felt only a few hours ago.3Kevin gave me a quick hello before bustling into the kitchen with a grocery bag, followed by Thomas, his unofficial boyfriend. I'd already known he was coming to eat dinner with us from Kevin's text, but I'd totally forgotten about it.

there, pretty lady." Thomas grinned at me from the kitchen, helping Kevin with the groceries and putting them away in the fridge.330"Hi, Thomas. How's your day been?" I asked, doing my best to keep my voice steady and normal. It would be hard keeping shit from my best friend, especially since he knew me so well, but I had hoped he'd shrug it off as me still being emotional, which I guess he would expect me to be.5"Better now. I've missed my man like crazy," he said, nodding at Kevin. I smiled, but it felt strained, knowing I was the reason he hadn't seen him. Thomas noticed and grimaced. "I really didn't mean it like that. It's like they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder," he said. "I'm also glad that you had him. I know the need for a friend to lean on."47"Yeah, he's been great to me."Thomas didn't know all the details of what had gone down, but I was pretty sure he'd pieced together some of it, like the fact that I'd been dating three men, though he hadn't judged me. Not once.9I turned towards Kevin, who was leaning against the counter with a small smile on his gorgeous face, but he looked haggard. "How was work?"He sighed dramatically. "If I have to work one more shift with Oliver, I will end it all."159Oliver worked at the café with us. He was entitled and lazy because his aunt owned the café and felt he could get away with anything––which was correct; he did get away with not doing shit. I rarely had to work with him, but Kevin wasn't as lucky. The last time I'd worked with him...God, it had been hell. Oliver had busted into the lunchroom while he knew I was changing, which was uncomfortable in itself. Still, worse was the look he'd given me when Mateo picked me up after my shift. Long story short, Oliver had asked me out on several occasions, and I'd given the excuse that I didn't date, which he now knew wasn't true—even though it hadn't been a lie when I'd said it. He hadn't looked too happy about that.212I shuddered just thinking about that guy.2"Eh...Emma?"Shaking off the mental image of Oliver's angry eyes, I looked at Kevin, who was now staring at the bouquet of flowers and forgotten desserts—chocolate-covered strawberries and chocolate cake.1"What's all this?" he asked, but he already knew the answer to that, seeing as he'd taken the liberty of reading one of the notes which were currently in his hand. I didn't mind, something I figured he already knew. We didn't keep secrets from each other. I frown. We didn't use to keep secrets. Now, though...it was inevitable."The guys sent me apology gifts." I shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal, but my heart still bounced around just thinking about them. That was...until I remembered the other gift I'd gotten. I had to steel myself from the fright that wanted to take over my body again. I couldn't let Kevin know something was wrong.2He whistled as he read one of the cards. "This makes even me fall a little bit in love with them," he muttered, making Thomas laugh. Thomas didn't know much about...the guys, but at the same time, I didn't care if he found out. It wasn't like I was ashamed, though my mind still cringed a bit out of old habits. "Do you want to talk about it?" Kevin asked louder.4"Not really," I said. If I did, I was afraid I would break down, and I couldn't afford that right now. My mental state was fragile enough already.4"Fair enough, but you know I'm here if you ever do want to talk."1"Yeah, I know. You're a good friend, Kevin."14"You're just as good, girly." He joined me in the living room with a smile, but it dipped as soon as he saw the bag next to the sofa."What's going on?" His eyes went from the bag to me, his gaze filled with confusion and surprise. I could see Thomas quietly walking to Kevin's bathroom to give us some privacy."I think it's time I got back to my own place. I'm sure you're missing some alone time with your man." My smile felt stiff and unnatural, but if he noticed, I hoped he thought it was more so because of what had happened in the past few days instead of what might have happened while he was at work.18"That's bullshit, and you know it. You can stay for as long as you want," he stated, looking about ready to throw my bag back into his room. I knew he wouldn't be a fan of me leaving, especially after seeing how much of a wreck I'd been in. To be honest, I was sure he'd preferred it if I stayed longer.

Kevin had already gone to work by the time my alarm rang. I didn't have any classes until later today, and for once, I would show up, even if one of those classes I had was Mateo's.4My thoughts went back to the guys like it always did. In the weeks that I had known them, they'd taken over my entire mind, and if I could admit it to myself, they'd taken over my whole heart as well. That was why what they'd done cut me so deep because I hadn't just trusted them; I'd fallen for them too.7What if...Kevin was right. If I searched hard enough, I would always find something to worry about next. What if they hurt me again? What if I would never be able to trust them like I'd once done? What if I decided to let them go and then regret it for the rest of my life? There were so many things I could second-guess about, and I would never get an answer to them until I made up my mind.3So, instead of what ifs, I focused on what I truly wanted. Did I want them gone, or did I want to give them a second chance and work through this? I deep dived into my feelings and analyzed each one of them, trying to find out which one of those options appealed the most to me. A smile tugged on my lips as I realized my answer. It was like a weight lifted off my shoulders when I knew what I was going to choose. Decision making always did that to me, it weighted me down, even the smallest thing, but when I finally made up my mind, I was a hundred percent sure and felt a hundred times lighter.1The intercom buzzed to life, bringing me out of my overactive brain. Walking to the door, I pressed down on the intercom that would allow me to speak."Who is it?" I asked.1"I have a delivery for one Emma Fields?" A woman asked through the speaker.109Puzzled, I told her I'd be down to collect it. What was this about a delivery? I couldn't stop wondering about it as I went down the two flights of stairs and opened the door. I didn't even notice the woman as my eyes zeroed in on the massive bouquet she was holding. It was a beautiful mixture of white, blue, red, but mainly lavender-colored flowers.10My breath caught as she handed it to me. "Can you sign on this tablet?" the woman asked, offering a pen. I did as she asked, and then she was on her way.Breathing in the scent of the bouquet, a small smile rested on my lips. I had an idea, or three, on who sent this to me, and my heart was going crazy thinking about either of them sending me flowers.26I spied a note in the bouquet, and I hurried upstairs so I could read it. Kevin being the lover of flowers and plants, already had many vases to choose from, even for one as big as this.Putting them in the water, I snatched the card, eager to see what it said.My favorite color is blue. Callan's color is red. Gideon's is white. If you mix every one of them together, you'll get lavender.104You once told me that was your favorite color.9No one could suit us more perfectly than you.1You match us, Gorgeous.2Yours truly, Mateo

I re-entered the bedroom, Mateo had made himself comfortable on one side of the bed. He gave me one of his cheeky smiles, though I wasn't oblivious to the slight strain to it. All things considered, they were taking the news well—or at least, they were keeping it together for my sake, which I appreciated. I couldn't handle much more today.Callan brushed past me to use the bathroom."You mind if I stay here?" Mateo asked, and while it sounded like teasing, his eyes remained serious enough for me to understand he needed to know if I was okay with it or not. He was on the top of the comforter, still dressed as if he was prepared in case my answer was no.YOU'LL ALSO LIKETHE CONTRACT (The Chosen Series #2)274K13.5K{MATURE +18} I am strong, I am resilient, I am fire... ******************************************************************************************* Grabbing hold of my...Saving Leah2.1M52.3KSaving Leah Series Book 1 Buy an edited and refined version on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08PTD577S/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?dchild=1&keywords=saving+leah+book&qid=1607281...Paint Me, Professor | Student-Professor Erot...2.8M70K18+| COMPLETE✔️ "Ali..." He sighed, his breath tickling the skin of Alison's neck. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, admiring her beauty, how youthful...My Master, My Husband (BOOK 1)804K14.4KTHIS BOOK IS 18+/ NOW ON KINDLE VELLA WITH SOME ADJUSTMENTS! "Alright, I'll tell you the rules twice, and I'll need you to memorize them, write them down and give t...Dominant & Submissive | 18+52.7K1.6K"Good girl, now, call me Daddy!" He whispers, his voice sexy as fuck. "Daddy!" I voiced out, but it came out as a whispering threat. "Louder!&q...They Echo Me129K3.7KCats In the Cradle Sequel Daniel and Emma have been married for nearly one year, and they couldn't be happier. Their marriage is perfect on paper: very-best friends-tur...Yes, Sirs (Book 1 of Desire's Den)62.3M1.4M"You were ours from the second we saw you," he stated as if I didn't have a choice in it, and the truth was, I didn't need to because he was right. I was their..."The more the merrier." I smiled. "I've been sleeping like shit recently, but you guys make me feel safe.""I'm glad you feel safe with us, gorgeous. Trust me, nothing will happen to you as long as we're here." His comment made my heart skip so many beats, I was damn near having a heart attack.3He patted the middle of the bed. "You should probably get your butt in here before Callan comes and take up the entire space with his massive ego."30A startled chuckle escaped me, and I froze slightly at that sound. When was the last time I'd laughed? Like a natural kind of laugh that hadn't been forced? My guess was when I'd still been with the guys.2"Well, what are you waiting for?" he teased, and without even trying, he was easing my tension. Taking his advice, I climbed onto the mattress and settled in the middle on my back, staring up at the ceiling without registering anything but how natural this felt. The strange thing about all of this was...it wasn't awkward. Since I met them, we'd spent almost the same amount of time apart as together, yet, whenever we were around each other, it was like no time had passed at all, and we fell right back into the comfortableness of being together. The butterflies swirling in my stomach told me I liked that, very much. Though, even though we seemingly fit together as we once did, I couldn't help but wonder if anything had changed—the space I'd left between us on the bed was showing how I couldn't quite let my entire guard down and truly believe everything was like they used to. Before today, I had known the guys had wanted me back, but what if they'd changed their minds now that I came with a lot more baggage? What if I were only here right now because they were too good to send me away unprotected?1I stiffened, not liking the road my thoughts were taking me."Hey," Mateo said lightly. I could sense his eyes on me, but I didn't turn towards him. "What's happening in that mind of yours now?""A lot," I admitted. "We probably have much to talk about, don't we?"Mateo made a sound of agreement. "Yes, we do, but it can wait until you're rested and feeling up for it. There's no stress, gorgeous. Take your time. We'll be patient until you're ready.""Thank you, I—" I gasped. My eyes focused on the ceiling, seeing what I'd been too distracted to see."What?" Mateo asked alarmed."The stars..." The ceiling had been painted black and there were stars everywhere, it hadn't been here the last time I'd spent the night. It reminded me of Callan's playroom, but instead of hundreds of miniscule dots randomly places, these looked to be the exact image of the night sky. There were five stars in particular which shone the brightest, which was the constellation of Cassiopeia.38It was breathtaking, and heartwarming.He remembered.

"Hey, Hazel? Are you, um, ...willing to go out with me?" In the middle of the school field, during a cricket match, he said that to me exactly eight months ago today. We hadn't actually spoken previously, so I was initially taken aback. I accepted even though we had barely ever exchanged looks in the hallway or played together on the same team. Nevertheless, I had a two-year crush on him. I cast my eyes upward at the gradually fading sky. It appeared that rain was on the way. Justin had just responded to me requesting a meeting in this field—the same one where he had extended his invitation to me months prior. I shivered and embraced myself more tightly. He was 10 minutes late, so I considered stepping inside and suggesting a different time to speak. My thoughts wandered to what had transpired during our partnership. It was nothing like the fairy tale I had thought it would be. I expected everything to go well and wonderfully, but it just hasn't. He might not even like me anymore, I was beginning to wonder. ~October 23~ Our first date. God, was I anxious? Justin was moving things along quickly. Not that I was, of course, complaining. He appeared anxious to go on a date, yet he had only asked me out yesterday. Despite his apparent desire to finish things as soon as possible, he didn't seem very keen to spend time with me. We were in my favorite cafe. Justin didn't seem at all concerned that I had picked the spot. I asked him, "What drink do you want?" With a puzzled expression on his face, Justin's head snapped up and he clearly had a group conversation open on his phone screen. In a monotone, he answered, "Whatever you're having.” My expression sank, but I smiled hastily to hide it. "All righty, then, two hot chocolates!" Our table was visited by the waiter, who took our orders. While keeping his eyes on his phone, Justin remained silent the entire time. With a hopeful smile toward both of us, The waitress remarked, "That'll be £4.75 please." I started to reach for my purse but stopped short. Would Justin propose to cover the cost? The server cleared her throat, prompting Justin to at last look up, then at the waitress before focusing on me and my bag. I have it in my hand. Raising an indignant eyebrow, he questioned, "Aren't you going to pay for the drinks?" "Oh, uh, well, yeah, of course!" After that, we didn't go on any more dates. ~December 16~ It was my birthday! Happy birthday, wishes and gifts were given to me by all of my closest friends, friends, classmates, teachers, and even my parents! Still, from 4 PM until now, I felt gloomy. It has nothing to do with the gifts they gave— I was obviously appreciative of them — but I can't help but be bothered by one particular person. Him. Justin. Is there a reason he hasn't yet wished me a happy birthday? Absolutely nothing, not even a text. It was 11:43 p.m. — I looked at my phone’s lock screen. My birthday ends in 17 minutes. I'm dozing off as I gaze in awe at the stunning scene of the lake and the brilliant moon reflecting off the water. I'm sitting outside the summer home of my family on a bench. The lantern was surrounded by bugs and had a bright gold vibrant color. It was flickering and likely already old. It had been on since 6 p.m., which was a while ago. They should really make use of the new lightbulb my teacher gave me as a gift. Not that I'm particularly interested in light bulbs, anyway. I can feel the cool wind rifling through my hair. Nice weather, huh? Quite the opposite of my feelings right now. My mother had told me to go inside the cabin because it was getting late, about 37 minutes ago. I gave her a weak explanation, but at least she left me alone. She's probably already asleep by now. Dang it, Justin! Ugh! I give up! I got up from the bench, turned around, and walked to the cabin. However, I could hear a motorcycle stopping by, then a deep, manly voice calling my name before I even opened the door. I can tell by the tone of his voice that he is tired. I turned around to see Justin, who was holding a white cuddly plush toy, as I had been expecting to see him. He gave me the plush toy and said, "Happy Birthday." “What the heck? Justin, It's nearly midnight; why are you here this late!?” "Hazel, school works, school works…”, he said, leading me to sigh. “By the way, the teddy bear has my scent on it, so whenever I'm not by your side, you'll think of me through the teddy bear.” It did smell like his perfume as I sniffed the teddy bear, and when he said that, it felt like the first time I had heard something so endearing from him. My smile disappeared as he turned to go. "I'll get going now." “Wait!— Why don't you take a quick bite to eat the lasagna my mom made or even spend the night here?" I screamed. Even though his voice was getting softer, I could still hear him say, “No, thank you. I still have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow and I might disturb your parents." “No, not at all; you’re not a distur—” I watched him get into his motorcycle, turn it on, and drive off. "—bance.” In frustration, I moaned and went inside the cabin. ~February 09~ A friend of mine spoke up from the other side of the dinner table, saying, "It's Valentine's Day soon!" This lunchtime, the dining room was incredibly crowded. It wasn't usually like that, but it was raining outside. Sitting two tables away from us, Amaree is one of Justin's friends, and I looked him in the eye. He prodded Justin, Justin gave me a small smile before he reluctantly glanced up and nodded at me before returning to his friends. My friends had the same look on their faces. They quickly reassured me that everything would be fine, that he was just having a bad day, and that Valentine's Day would be one to remember as they sighed and gave me sorry looks. 13th, four days later. My eyes were fixed on the ceiling while I lay in bed. What time is it now? Valentine's Day was it officially? My phone started to glow. On Friday the 14th, at precisely midnight, it was. I went to check the message I saw from Justin when I looked up at my phone. Justin: 'today, i won’t be in skl. household stuff. dw, i'll make up for it yea?' In no way, did he make it up for it. ~April 30~ “Hey, Justin! Today's weather is fantastic! After school, would you like to take an afternoon stroll?” Our final class of the day was mathematics. He seemed to be much more interested in trigonometry than I was, even though he had barely completed any of the questions and was instead just scribbling random squiggles on the page. I had been trying to strike up a light conversation with him. "Huh?" He asked, casting a brief glance up at me with his drowsy eyes. His appearance lately had been increasingly drained of energy and kind of worn out, as I had noticed. Was he bothered by anything? He would quickly change the subject, but I persisted in asking. "After school, I asked you if you would like to take a walk with me." "I apologize, Hazel, but I'm unable to. Perhaps another time?" My pencil left a very dark indentation on the page as I angrily pressed it down into my math book. Not surprisingly, but I was furious. He was always like this. "That’s what you always say, Justin! ‘Maybe another time, Hazel,’ but you never follow through!" I replied. My voice was starting to sound more frantic and louder. Justin gave me a gentle flick on the forehead after checking the room to make sure no one was staring in our direction. "Another time, Hazel. Another time." No 'another time' existed. ~June 28 (Present)~ "Hazel." It was raining heavily now, pelting us. Justin was standing right in front of me, all wet through his shirt. I observed how big his under-eye bags had grown. "Sorry. I forgot to take an umbrella." He replied. The sound of it was muffled by the torrential rain. I blurted out, "Do you actually like me?" Although he couldn't see it, I was crying. After all, the rain had gotten into my tears. "When you asked me out, I was overjoyed. It was like a dream come true for me since I'd had such a huge crush on you." The mouth of Justin was briefly open before being shut. My ability to see his face was severely limited by how dark the sky had grown. "However, you simply did not give me what I requested. Although I should be grateful for the time you spent with me, It simply wasn't enough. We went on one date, but I wouldn't really count it as such. You promised to reimburse me for the drinks, but you never did. On my birthday, you showed up after hours and left after only three minutes. You claimed that you would "make up” for missing Valentine's Day, but you never did!...—” For the sake of being heard over the rain, I was practically shouting. I felt as if I was finally expressing my true feelings to him after being so calm and patient with him in the past. Finally, "Then there's that grating forehead flick! Saying, "Hazel, another time." There was no "another time," nonetheless. Nothing was!-" A finger touched my forehead and rested there for a moment, causing me to flinch. Standing over me, Justin's eyebrows appeared to be furrowed in anger. Was he mad at me? Good heavens, I really did it. "All of this, Hazel, was a dare. Dating and all. I’m so sorry for putting you through all of this." He murmured. With his gaze glued to the floor, he stood above me. The rain had caused his hair to become tangled in his face. "I desperately wanted to tell you, but I reasoned that it would be simpler for me to appear uninterested, causing you to end things with me rather than me having to. However, you stayed by my side, and I could tell how depressed you were. Now that the dare is over, I can leave you and go find someone else. A preferable person. Although I do love you." I let out a gasp at the conclusion and slowly turned to look into his eyes. Although he appeared to be deeply sorry for what he had caused me to endure; he also said he loved me. As the rain began to abate, I reached my hand up to the sky to catch the last few drops. The corners of my mouth started to smile, and I couldn't help but forget everything that had happened between us before. "What‘s with the smile, Hazel?" I smiled as I interlaced my fingers through his. Justin looked at me puzzled and perplexed but then made the same gesture. He appeared less worn out now, as though something had finally awakened inside of him. "Let's begin again. I go by Hazel. What’s yours?"